Revising for Claims

"In accordance with the tuition freeze, universities could also provide students with free books and other required class materials to reduce the burden of college expenses.[1] One college textbook can range from as little as $30 to a whopping $200. In fact, the College Board approximates that “the average college student spends more than $1,200 on books and materials” yearly, and this number fluctuates depending on the student’s major (Kristof).[2] An obvious solution would be for students to rent textbooks or buy used books. However, some courses require the student to buy a new textbook that includes a code for the student to access online work for the class, and in some instances, renting the textbook costs about the same as the price of buying it. By granting students access to open textbooks and other free online materials, universities can help lower costs. With open textbooks, professors would take the important sections of the required text and provide students with the coursework digitally or on paper, and the school would only pay a fee to authors and publishers, if necessary. The fee would be relatively tiny in comparison to textbook costs.[3]"

The student’s claim is highlighted in turquoise.
The evidence from the College Board is highlighted in green.
The interpretation, exploration, and connection is highlighted in yellow. Note how much larger the yellow section is in the paragraph.

Student Example

• "Another intentional feeling amongst the people watching “Toys of War” is sympathy for the children. Berends pushes this emotion through visual tracks and primary footage of the children’s everyday lives. The film is constantly showing the kids making their toys out of dirt. They make little toy trucks, guns, animals, and people to play with because they have nothing else or any other way to have fun according to the video. This urges the viewer to have sympathy for the children because that is not a social norm in society in other countries."

The bold, underlined sentence is the student’s hotspot. Below is the result of a student freewrite regarding that hotspot. The writer can then add and/or revise the original paragraph:

• "This is a really important point and I want the reader to understand how the camera is focused on these animals. What I also notice is that these were handmade. They looked like they were made by the kids themselves, like out of dirt. This could really build on my point that this means pathos. The viewer feels really sad because kids should have toys to play with and not rocks and dirt. And kids should be able to have fun and play."